Monthly Archives: June 2012

30,000 feet

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One of the strangest things I saw while in Newfoundland was a United cemetery and Anglican cemetery “side by each” but separated by a chain link fence. The Catholics were buried on a beautiful hill in town. Apparently a fence wasn’t separation enough. I was unaware that there were at least three heavens. It got me to thinking about how we draw lines and build fences between ourselves. I’m writing this on a plane at 30,000 feet and there is a curtain drawn between first class and economy. I’m not sure what this fabric blocks out but we weave our differences everywhere we go. We will all put our heads between our knees and kiss our asses goodbye in the event of a catastrophic event. These events seem one of the few times we realize we are each flesh and bone, tears and wind. The rest of the time we we draw lines.

Economy – First Class        Protestant – Catholic    Albertan – Ontarian

University Grad – High school drop out       Child – Adult          English – French

Hockey Fan – Soccer Fan                Rich – Poor                             Virgin – Stud

Musical – Tone Deaf                         Black – White                    Cyclist – Runner

GAP – American Eagle                     Classy – Crude                    Owner – Renter

Near sighted – Far sighted                Fat – Thin                           Swimmer – Sinker

Canadian – American                   Gay – Straight                           Married – Single

Rural – Urban                                   Sibling – Only child                     Pretty – Ugly

Right handed – Left handed         Sophomore – Freshman              Brunette – Redhead

Military – Civilian                          White collar – Blue collar            Teacher – Nurse

Leader – Follower                         Literate – Illiterate                      Funny – Boring

Popular – Outcast                          Amateur – Professional          Punker – Preppy

Tattooed – Ink free                           Vegetarian – Carnivore         Mentally ill – Normal

Politician – Honest

I’m sure one could write a whole book out of the lines we draw between one another. Some provide identity while others simply offer differences. Differences to be judged by and differences we can push one another away with. They are often differences we don’t understand or put into perspective. I love the saying ” we all put our pants on one leg at a time.” Most of our differences are not important enough to actually change us. Most of these differences are simply a way to paint each other into corners where we make the decision of whether to care about each other. But when the ship is sinking it’s a good idea to cling to each other. Death is the decider of difference and when you’re dead none of it will make a difference. As far as heaven for different religions I just hope they are connected like the oceans because there are some fellow passengers I wouldn’t want to have a fence to climb to be with.

Symbiosis

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We had the pleasure of touring and old Basque/French/English bastion here in Placentia Newfoundland. We also had the pleasure of knowing our guide whose services seemed above and beyond. On a rugged path through the forest between forts he pointed out the moss which grew on some of the trees. He mentioned symbiosis and how we depend on each other. Without the tree to cling to the moss would not exist.

As alone as we sometimes feel, we do depend on others for our existence. The tree does not think about or even notice its relationship with the moss. As humans we have the ability to foster and encourage growth in those around us. Even as we are connected we sometimes don’t have the perspective to see how what we do and say impacts and carries forward in the lives of others. I would probably only be known as the idiot who rides his bike all winter were it not for certain individuals. On one of my rides a vignette formed in my mind. When I returned to the hospital I immediately put it to paper. Soon after I shared it with the hospital chaplain. He saw merit in it and approached me later for my permission to have it shared by another therapist who was convening a group therapy session. The only thing about me that had been shared in years was negative. Had the chaplain simply said “well done” or “I like it” I would have soon forgotten about it. Instead I began to write. I began to tell my story and illustrate some of my experience with words. I ended up with a book. My stories were a form of entertainment for myself and another patient and I had no intention of sharing beyond family.

In walks another individual. After I was living on my own in the community my best friend during my forensic journey passed away. I used a portion of my book in a eulogy I delivered which this individual was present for. He pressed me several times to share more with him. I had no intention of sharing it with him but eventually I emailed my book. He thought it was worth sharing and organized my first speaking engagement.

Anyone can write a book and we can all speak in front of a small group but for my withered soul these were David and Goliath moments. For someone who was just as apt to be naked and writing on walls it was an “about face.” I’m not sure “about face” is the correct figure of speech but my gaze was turned upward.

These two individuals saw in me and my efforts something worthy of sharing and through their small acts and words my life has changed. Like the moss, I was allowed to grow at their sides. I might not have survived let alone thrived without them. When we see and cultivate worth in another they have a harder time denying it in themselves.

“Half Crazy” “Extremely Unstable”

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I was having breakfast and noticed a gentleman across the diner wearing a hat that said “Half Crazy” “Extremely Unstable.” I’m assuming he wasn’t and was trying to be cute, funny or simply ridiculous. To actually be considered as such is not overly funny. Maybe I’m a little sensitive but I do find humour in my own plight because it gets me through. When others find my experiences funny it just gets to me.

I can never understand those who ridicule and joke about mental illness and those afflicted. Instead of sharing your derision why not share your secret? Possibly you remain quiet about your secret because you intend to patent it. You could market your secret seasonally even. I find the holidays especially difficult when I’m dealing with delusions. You could run commercials and hide your gift in Cadbury Easter Eggs. The rest of us could scratch our heads wondering how you got the gift inside. One in five would gladly pay to know what specifically you do to avoid mental illness. Please let us know what it is you eat or ingest to keep mental illness at bay. What Yoga moves can I practice to prevent mental illness? What is this secret you obviously possess? What shopping mall should I go to so I can purchase your immunity? It would be swell if I could pick it up at a garage sale. Used is better for me, many occupations seem off limits to me so money can be tight. Hopefully it fits into the shopping carts some of us push our lives around in or could I borrow your SUV? Maybe you and the many others who share your immunity can organize something like a blood donor clinic. Maybe it is something I can plant in my yard. Can I cultivate what you so assuredly posses? What will you charge for your secret? Do you take personal cheques? Maybe you keep it like some family recipe whose ingredients are only to be shared by those whose blood you share. It would be nice if you could open a drive thru. The one in five could order a “Double Double” dose of your formula. I sincerely hope it isn’t too complex. I have already been getting by using an array of medications and therapies. Please let it be a prayer or a pill.

Possibly you enjoy the disparity of power. You in your Birkenstocks reading the Globe at Starbucks and me mumbling to myself and or cursing at the sky down by the tracks. Is my plight not enough for you? Why do you add salt to my wounds?

This is all in jest obviously; if you had this knowledge, this power, there would be no need for you to take away what little I posses. There would be no need to label and denounce the mentally ill. There would be no need to stratify society by health or wealth because you would possess both. Still, it would be nice to know your secret to at least have health. Just imagine how popular you would be if you could help us dodge dementia, depression and delusions. You wouldn’t have to tell your stupid jokes; we would already be eating out of your hands!

If you do not posses compassion enough to share your immunity, have the decency to keep your misconceptions under your hat or at least off of it. Either that or wear one that says “Half Liver” “Extremely Jaundiced.” But that would be in poor taste wouldn’t it.

The Ant

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I just brushed an ant from my patio table. I looked down at where I thought it might have landed. I did not see it and assumed it fell through the deck boards. I suddenly realized it might never arrive where it once was. I’m not sure how long an ant lives but it is a possibility.

I have been brushed from where I once stood. Unlike the ant I was quite aware of the fact. I felt the sting of my landing and had a clear view of where I had been. At first I only wanted to return to where I once was. I longed for most of what I was and had. Living without, my gaze eventually fell on other points. Like the ant I started my journey over. I can’t say I simply brushed myself off. I had many people help me to my feet and point me in directions I could not see. I am unsure of my destinations but I am satisfied with where I find myself most days. I could still have my eye on where I was but it would only interfere with seeing where I am.

What’s the Difference?

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I was reading the story about the armored car heist in Alberta. There were no fancy headlines like those reserved for Vincent Li. Apparently we find it comprehensible that someone would murder three individuals for a little over 300 000 dollars. Possibly we can relate to crime for financial gain, while crime due only to a mental disorder is foreign. Could we fathom doing something we wouldn’t normally do for financial reasons? What would you do for money otherwise not attainable? It may be totally foreign for most of us to commit any crime but if it is for profit there seems some rhyme to it.

What does it say about us as individuals and as a society? Why can we comprehend someone whose value of life equals roughly $100,000 per person? Murder under any circumstance is abominable yet we only demonize the person suffering from hallucinations and delusions. The headlines that follow Vincent Li years later are “Crazed Bus Butcher”. “Baumgartner Nabbed at Border” follow the individual who is likely criminally responsible for three deaths and another seriously injured. This person seems to be in full possession of his mental faculties yet he avoids demonization by the media and possibly the public.

Why do we allow someone who knowingly murders for paper, dignity of sorts yet strip those who suffer from a mental disorder that same dignity? Should we hold the media to higher standards? Call a spade a spade and I will still buy your paper. Distort the facts and you are a sensationalizing letch. Are those whose occupation it was to distribute money to machines not worthy of our outrage? If we are going to spit on someone, greed as a motive for murder might just be worthy of it. Possibly we don’t want to demonize something that we could fathom ourselves? Is there an amount you might murder for?

It all seems senseless and Mr. Li did perform an atrocity but the courts and medical profession have proven and deemed him Not Criminally Responsible. Why is that so hard to disseminate? If Mr. Baumgartner is responsible in act and under the law should we not hold him accountable to the same extent we mistakenly hold those who are factually “not” accountable? If Mr. Li killed for an amount of money would it be comprehensible? If Mr. Baumgartner killed because he was ill I would expect headlines such as “Armored Car Abomination” or “Twisted Treasure Terminator.” We can understand one scenario because we would all do certain things for money under certain circumstances. The thing you have to realize is we could each do any number of things under the powers of a mental disorder. My outrage flies in all directions and my sympathy to those affected by both individuals.

Fool For A Client

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I was clearly psychotic for much of my time in jail but I was at times in complete possession of my intellect. I might have looked and sounded bizarre but I made sense at times as well. I was at a disadvantage because of my illness. I was taken advantage of by certain inmates and often disregarded by the authorities. As much as they deny you in jail you also maintain certain freedoms. My case was still before the courts so I was allowed to cast my political ballot. I was in the medical cells at the time so I’m not sure what voter turnout was but I possessed my usual political will. I was resigned to the fact that none of the parties was overly concerned with me as an individual or population but it is a vote I will always remember. I was stripped of most of what makes a citizen but I stood tall with my golf pencil in hand.

About this time I was quite displeased with my lawyer as was my family. I was doing my best to dodge his services but he dragged me to court every other week to pad his pockets. It was a several month battle to have him removed from my case. The authorities in the jail were advised that I was representing myself; by myself. I did have a fool for a client but I was given a privilege above my fellow inmates. I was allowed access to the institution copy of the Canadian Criminal Code. After I filled out a form I would be locked in a lawyer’s room with my disclosure documents and the big book. I was a whirlwind of activity. Within a few weeks my papers were in tatters and filled with notes. My golf pencil had no erasure so I would use my shoe to erase my previous episodes of lawyerly notations. I was often in a panic looking over what I had written. Each time I would read the Canadian Criminal Code my defense would change. One day I stumbled on the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. I had never read them before. I couldn’t see any help for me in them but I read them intently.

During this period I was spiritually charged as well. Any time I had access to a phone or a pencil and envelope I would reach out to religious leaders in the community. I had regular visits from a Baptist minister, a Catholic priest, a Muslim Imam, an Evangelical minister, the institutional minister and several lay-people from the community who offered religious guidance. Sometimes when Reverend X. was at the institution she would take me to her office in the basement and we would smudge. I learned to love the smell of burning sweet grass and was always moved by the ceremony and gesture.

To add to my religious education I got my hands on a copy of Malcolm X and started copying the customs he described involving his conversion to Islam. One of the guards was also a Muslim and I looked to him for guidance. One day I waited with my breakfast. When he came to the bars to collect my food tray I asked if I was permitted to eat. There was ham on it, he nodded and I woofed it down.

I didn’t have a clear idea what I was through all this. I even had some knowledge of Judaism to throw in the mix. One thing that became clear to me was that I shouldn’t be eating meat. I asked a guard if I could change my diet to Vegan. “You’ll have to fill out a request form.” I did and was denied. I asked to see a lieutenant. I was again denied. “I want to speak to the Warden.” “You’ll have to fill out a request form.” I did and within days he was standing outside my cell door. I made my request. “It’s jail policy that you can’t change your diet after being admitted.” “It’s not a security issue” I said. “If you had requested a Vegan diet when you landed here I wouldn’t have a problem.” “But it’s part of my religion.” “What religion is that?” “Well I might be Jewish.” “You’re not Jewish.” “I have a new religion.” “I don’t recognize your religion so as I said you’re out of luck.” “I have the right to practice and follow any religion whether you recognize it or not.” “I can even follow no religion.” He walked away.

Jails and those employed in them are overseen by the Ombudsman. If an inmate has an issue he or she can ask for a “Blue Letter”. It required no stamp which furthered my excessive correspondence and unlike our other mail it could be sealed to escape the censor system of the jail. I filled out a request form and asked for a “Blue Letter” and filled it out. About a week later I was notified and given a number to contact the Ombudsman by phone. The woman asked me if I had exhausted all internal measures. “Yes”. She said she would look into it. The only other person who knew of my battle was Rev. X. After another week or two I was again asked to call the Ombudsman. The woman was quite pleased to inform me that the Ombudsman had sided with me. I had the right to follow my religious conscience. I could practice any religion or no religion. It was my first victory as a lawyer. The Reverend came to my cell and was clearly pleased as well.

I was punished for taking things beyond the institution. The kitchen gave me some kind of meatless cabbage rolls three days a week. As much as I hated them they did have a certain sweetness:)  I could have created some havoc within the jail by passing on my knowledge to my fellow inmates but being a lawyer I steered clear since there was little money to be made. I never held it over the Warden. When I regained the majority of my sanity he went on vacation for a couple of weeks. He had a habit of walking around the entire jail and checking to see that our pillows were left in our cells when we were locked out. I saw him come around the corner and walked up to him with a huge smile and said “welcome back”, it was my jail too.

Two Sizes

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We all want to feel wanted. It’s sometimes difficult to differentiate what we do to get what we want and what we do to feel wanted. I have been in situations where neither option existed. When you are in the Hole you are lucky to have a Bible. I was always sure to ask for a Bible wherever they shipped me off to. I could be found with the regular population, with those in Protective Custody, in the solitary medical cells or in the Hole.

My first experience with the Hole was when I was asked the trick question. I knew the answer by morning. (Now I know it by mourning) The question is whether you feel suicidal. I said “a little bit.” I was severely stressed and without some or all of my medications. My whole life had just been yanked from beneath my feet. It was my first time in jail. They don’t have one of those maps like at the mall. When you’re not expecting to be there it can be quite alarming. “In here.” Flash! “Take your clothes off over there.” They already had my watch. “Lift your left foot.” “Right foot.”  “Lift your arms up.” “Open your mouth, lift your tongue.” “Turn around.” “Bend over and touch your toes.” “Okay here’s your gear, get dressed and grab a pair of shoes out of the bin.” It was a mass of used singles. “We have two sizes… too big, too small and too bad!” When only hours ago you were eating Doritos it suddenly seems a strange day.

It was a long night; half naked on a concrete floor in a tear proof suicidal gown that you would gladly throw off were it not for the drain in the middle of the floor. For some reason the drain scared me. Why was it there? Would there be trouble for me now or later? They have a 24 hour light on you so possibly you think more than your usual 3 am existence.

I wasn’t feeling particularly better when they guided me back to the nurse in what I assumed to be morning. “Are you feeling suicidal?” Hell Ya, I wanted to scream but I shook my head No. They do have medical cells with a mattress and the same toilet. Maybe they thought the Hole was therapeutic? I’m sure it is safer because we all know people who have died from eating their mattress. Peace be upon them!

Delinquent or Dependent

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De-institutionalization was to be a huge step towards dealing in a progressive and humane fashion towards the mentally ill. The plan wasn’t as successful as hoped because the community services meant to replace institutions never came to pass. I would argue that we have essentially re-institutionalized the mentally ill. Hospitals and asylums have closed or been downsized while jails and prisons are expanding, if not in size and number at least in population. People caught up in addiction who could be treated are instead punished and incarcerated. I don’t have an issue with punishing those who choose to break the law but is addiction a choice? Who chooses to be consumed by addiction? If I steal to feed my addiction am I delinquent or dependent? What do we achieve as a society by punishing someone whose life is in chaos because of mental illness or addiction?

I remember the first spanking I received as a child. I was in my room waiting for my father to return home to administer my punishment. I was worried with fear. After I received my spanking I lost much of that fear. Incarceration is the same. The fear of punishment is lessened when one knows and has experienced the punishment.

It is probably more sensible economically to incarcerate individuals than to treat them but do we become morally bankrupt in the process?

You Can’t Ingest Its Nature

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I think at least 117 people out of 100,000 have an idea of what it is like to be incarcerated. We have images of guards and inmates but like many things, unless you have lived it you are not in possession of a complete picture. Unless you have been wrestled to the ground you won’t understand the damage. Unless you have been stripped you will not understand what it essentially does to you. Unless you have been lead to and lived in a cell with nothing in it but a toilet and a 24 hour light, unless you were the one to not witness day or night outside of meals you can’t understand what it does to you to lose the orientation of time. Unless you have been locked down in a cell built to punish 2 men with a third you will not understand what it means to lose all value.

I know there are some who would have us chained to walls and flogged every breakfast. My suggestion would be to travel to such a country where such practices are upheld. Many of these countries may not offer you the quality of life you can claim in Canada. How we treat the disadvantaged and the least among us spreads through all our lives. Part of the advantage of a social net is the mental outlook we all gain from it. When you can look around and see people who need assistance getting assistance something in the back of your head relaxes. It’s the place where you actually know that there is the possibility that there is very little that separates you from their disadvantage.

I am one of a very small percentage and I became at times an even smaller percentage. I experienced the legal system, the correctional system and the forensic system. Many of my experiences involved me in full psychosis for extended periods. The conditions we accept as a society for those we wish to punish are in many cases the conditions we are choosing to accept for people who are mentally ill. They are your neighbours’ relative if not your own. If we expose someone with a mental illness to all of this it may be worrisome enough. When an illness carries you off to jail rather than a hospital you would hope your treatment is humane. You may be of the mindset that it should be therapeutic.

We hear about jails with capacity issues and we yawn. We hear about 3 men bunked into cells built as punishment for two men while we sip our coffee. These jails are often in lock down. To be in lock down is basically a suspension of all movement. I think it is not therapeutic to prisoners of mental health when you enter a cell as the third person. You can bet you are the one on the floor. It’s no less comfortable but you get to deal with the toilet and each man who uses it. Normal access to showers are also suspended which when mixed with the fact that you never have the privilege of entirely new clothes on a daily basis means you are living in your own stink. Normally there was a common area to relieve your bowels. It was rare that a cell toilet would be used. I can remember a guard entering our common area when the conditions were normal, “It smells like ass in here.” I’m sure it did. There are no windows in jail and no switches to pull for the fan to kick in.

If you own a tape measure lay out on your floor a space roughly 5 by 8. This is your “house”. Bring in a toilet sink combo and two people you don’t know, three mattresses and a set of bunks. Your movement basically consists of twisting in and out of bed. I can recall being on the top bunk. I was in possession of the entire atmosphere but the traffic was light. I knew the one man a little but nothing of the new man on the floor. He was a harmless alcoholic. When he was not on a park bench he was in jail.

To have a mental illness through all this in my case amplified some of the experience. There was a drawing on the wall which terrified me. I was at times directed to stare at it and other times I would be directed to lay on my left. It was like having the devil beside you as you lay awake on your cot. I was at times reading a book I was fortunate to have in my cell. I read it at night to help the other prisoners to sleep. My thoughts were being broadcast so reading to myself or any thought carried a long way. This was also a nightmare for me as I was possessed by thoughts that I felt I had no control over. I had enemies and tricksters and they were my cellmates at certain times. Even my food intake was being directed by something. We sometimes fantasize about a day in bed, when it is the only option and for longer than could ever be comfortable it loses meaning.

Unless you have a mental illness which was alive as you lived these moments you will likely not understand. I am a small percentage but as I was stricken, it can be unpredictable. Mental illness does not look into your wallet or dodge your fancy car. Mental illness doesn’t seep out of the ground in the neighbourhoods you occupy. Mental illness doesn’t look at your age or measure your Body Mass Index. You can’t open your mouth or touch some surface and ingest its nature. You can’t study books or plan a vacation to flee it in any way. It may strike any of us and will surely strike someone we know.

When we don’t care about people with mental illness who come in conflict with the law it invisibly ripples through all our lives. It allows us to draw lines as to who or what we care about. It’s like my hitch hiker theory. If you remove the option of picking up hitchhikers you are less likely to help someone with car trouble. When we totally disown our responsibility to prisoners it is easier to do the same to the mentally ill. When they are one and the same you might want to consider their treatment because we are all one and the same.

Growth

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 January 25, 2007

Growth

Trees are accepting. They don’t ask for more or less or demand anything. They accept what they are given and grow. Truly some are spoiled, they receive all the light, room, nutrients and water a tree could hope for. Others are cast into impossible conditions where it seems none of the required elements exist, yet there they stand. They cling to the terrain unwilling to give up. They may grow slower or be spindly and misshapen but they seem to thrive where they should not. How do you explain the willingness of a tree to grow where it is denied that which would make it thrive? Who or what is responsible for its growth? The tree does not question or bemoan its circumstances; it just reaches out for the required elements. I see traces of humanity in the lessons of a tree’s growth. Some humans are spoiled and receive all that could be hoped for while others are cast into impossible conditions. From within these impossible conditions some people seem to thrive, they maintain a willingness to grow and reach out for the required elements. They branch out into the hearts and minds of others and root themselves in hope and faith unwilling to give up.

Not Criminally Responsible: The Burden of Accusation and Popular Misconceptions

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This an essay I wrote while in college several years ago. It’s not my usual writing style.

On the surface, to be found Not Criminally Responsible (NCR) would be more acceptable and advantageous than a guilty finding. However, responsibility and blame are placed on NCR individuals even though the law finds them not responsible, and they are subjected to punishment and a loss of liberties which is comparable to penal sanctions. The number of Not Criminally Responsible individuals is statistically overestimated in the judicial system and NCR individuals are thought to be prescribed shorter sentences. Being NCR also means navigating through a new world of social stigma which exceeds that of a common criminal. Individuals who commit a crime and are considered or found Not Criminally Responsible face more severe social consequences and punitive measures than criminals tried and or convicted without the Not Criminally Responsible defence.

NCR offenders are the recipients of additional blame due to the effects of the “just world hypothesis.”“The just world hypothesis (Lerner & Simmons, 1966) states that individuals believe that people have direct control over their fate and get what they deserve in life” (Murray, Spadafore, McIntosh 35). The just world hypothesis applies to victims whereby blame is placed on a victim to reinforce a person’s belief that somehow people get what they deserve. Since this may be an automatic process (Murray, Spadafore, McIntosh 35), it can be hypothesized that in the case of an individual losing touch with reality and acting unlawfully as a result, more blame may be placed on this perpetrator who in essence is also a victim. The law clearly states that such individuals are not responsible. To accept the fact that they are not responsible, one has also to accept that mental illness can strike an individual through no fault of their own with severe ramifications. Those found NCR are in fact victims whose existence threatens the ideal of a predictable and just world where we control our own fate. People are uncomfortable with mental illness because it is indiscriminate and has no apparent cause. Kay Redfield Jamison a well known author and psychiatrist who is bi-polar experienced the effects of the just world hypothesis in response to her book. She states, “I received thousands of letters from people. Most of them were supportive but many were exceedingly hostile. A striking number said that I deserved my illness…” (Jamison 533). Not Criminally Responsible individuals face the same hostility.

NCR individuals are not spared punitive measures. There are several purposes to punishment. People feel the need for retribution – some form of punishment comparable to the harm done by the offense. Society also believes punishment serves as a deterrent to the offender and others (Pollock 265). Both purposes are problematic. Retribution is not equal to the crime in many cases. Some people are comfortable in jail while others suffer greatly. For those suffering from mental illness, jail can be terrifying. Often the correctional response to mental illness is isolation, which can make symptoms worse (Kondo 255).Brad, whom the author interviewed and who suffers from schizophrenia, spent his 4 months in jail (waiting for transfer to a hospital), isolated in medical cells where there are no TV, radio, books or news, natural light, or cellmates. Mark, another interviewee, spent 8 weeks of his ten months between the “Hole” and medical cells. The “Hole” has no mattress during the day, 24 hour light, and “a four inch window with a view of a wall.” Kondo describes what it must be like for NCR individuals in jail; “to be in jail is a miserable, horrible experience. It’s full of shame, it’s full of defeat, it’s full of hopelessness, it’s scary. It would have to be 10 times more difficult for mentally ill offenders than for those without phobias, depression, schizophrenia, or other disorders” (255). The experience of jail without delusions, hallucinations, and depression invokes anxiety in most of its inhabitants.

People who are unable to appreciate the nature of their crime, specifically the fact that it was criminally wrong and probably morally wrong, many times through treatment come to the full realization of their act(s). For some, the extreme disparity between their actions and their true nature is overwhelming. Scott, stated “that not a day goes by when I don’t think about it.” Despite not choosing their predicaments and being victims of an illness, many NCR patients take responsibility for their actions and the burden of their illnesses. For those seeking retribution, reality and the memory of crimes committed can be a significant and severe form of punishment for these individuals.

As a deterrent, punishment is ineffective. If it was effective there would be no crime to punish (Pepinsky, Jesilow 122). Others would view the punishment and be deterred while those who were already criminals would be deterred and not re-offend. In 2004/2005 approximately 32,100 adults were incarcerated (Beattie 2) with minimal change to crime rates. Furthermore, one third of offenders re-offend within two years (Beattie 13). Allowing a very small percentage of individuals to circumvent the penal system has little effect on deterrence which may have minimal influence anyway.

Another purpose of punishment is incapacitation, whereby a person is prevented from committing future offences (Pollock 267). Those found Not Criminally Responsible are generally housed in maximum security units initially. According to Scott, at Regional Mental Health Care in St. Thomas, the maximum and medium secure forensic units have bars on the windows, security cameras throughout the common areas, metal detectors and a series of locked doors off the unit. There can be little doubt that while the patient is in the assessment stage and early stages of treatment and recovery he/she is no more capable of escape or re-offense than a criminal. Brad, who is under a community detention order, explained that individuals are monitored by a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, mental health nurse, and other support staff. Most accused are required to comply with drug and alcohol screening and have geographical limitations; all of these conditions can be considered forms of prevention.

A general misconception is that NCR individuals receive lighter sentences. If the individual is deemed to not be a risk to the public he/she may be released immediately, but this provision is very rarely exercised (Gray, Shone, Liddle 337). Individuals receive a yearly hearing whereby the Ontario Review Board reviews their status and either recommends that they remain in hospital, be released with conditions, or receive an absolute discharge (Gray, Shone, Liddle 337). There is no cap to the time an individual remains under a Disposition; therefore, patients are detained indefinitely and are often held for periods longer than what would be prescribed for a criminal who was found guilty of the same offence without a mental disorder (Adshead 302). Mark’s offence was criminal harassment, which is sometimes dealt with by fines (Statistics Canada). He spent 10 months in jail which, because it was pre-trial custody, would count two for one (20 months). He spent two years incarcerated in the hospital and has been in the community for two years conditionally. This example illustrates the fact that not all NCR patients “get off easy.” As McLaughlin points out: “Charter challenges to these lengthy incarcerations have failed…” consequently this defence is usually employed in more serious crimes (1).

Another popular misconception is that those found NCR are prevalent in the justice system. Using statistics from Baltimore, the data does not support this view. Of 60,432 indictments only 190 plead NCR and all but 8 dropped the defence. These 8 were unchallenged (Janofsky,Dunn, Roskes, Briskin, Rudolph, Lunstrum 1464). Janofsky et al also found college students believed the defence was used 80 times more than it actually is and they thought it was successful 3,600 more times than statistics show (1464). The American system varies from state to state but is comparable to Canada in most states making these findings statistically relevant (Viljoen, Roesh, Ogloff, Zapf 369). This severe misconception is a direct result of popular media. NCR cases are consistently reported because they are controversial and often high profile because of their severity. Because so many of these cases dominate the media, while similar criminal offences do not, the public overestimates their occurrence.

Those found NCR suffer from a double stigma. Not only are they labelled criminals but they also have to deal with the stigma of being mentally ill. For some, they have had no experience with either and find the labels humiliating and isolating. By demonizing and blaming those who are NCR, they can be labelled as insane. Blaming serves two purposes. Their actions and illnesses can be written off as aberrations that could never happen to normal people, which supports the just world hypothesis. And labels provide mental molds that can be cast for people so others feel separate and safe from them. If they are not stereotyped and compartmentalized they are allowed to occupy what comprises the “normal” world. Labelling and stereotyping negate the possibility that one could be as they are or that they could possess similar human characteristics. As a name and object of scorn or hate they are dissimilar and one could not imagine being as they are. Link and Phelan mention labelling as part of the stigmatization process . . . . “ the group doing the labelling separates ‘them’-the stigmatised group-from ‘us’(Link, Phelan 528).

McFadyen’s comment that there are more dangerous people roaming the streets than there are in forensic hospitals is logical (1436). In reality, many people fear those who are NCR. People fear the unknown and many know little about mental illness and this aspect of the law; most rely on movies and news headlines for their information. Many are terrified by the prospect of losing control of their minds or emotions and most pride themselves on being rational and in control. To think there are illnesses that can destroy what is essential for functioning, is terrifying.

To be found Not Criminally Responsible is not an easy way out. Responsibility and blame are still attached to these individuals, often by themselves. Most are subjected to jails and are forced to navigate this system and its inhabitants with the disability of a mental illness. NCR individuals usually serve time in secure hospital settings often for lengths exceeding traditional sentences. They are also a very small group of offenders who in no way exploit the legal system but are in fact prone to abuse by it. Most significant for these individuals is that society deems them as criminal and insane, leaving them to deal with stereotypes and stigma and the social isolation that accompanies them. Adshead sums up the predicament of Not Criminally Responsible individuals when he states, “it is hard not to perceive that the interests of mentally abnormal offenders come at the bottom of almost any list of priorities; partly because such patients are vulnerable and can be exploited, but also because they are ‘guilty’ individuals, and can thus claim less moral or legal protection” (302).