I Quit

I suspect there are a multitude of reasons and excuses for being sporadic with a blog. Mine usually have to do with inspiration. I’m not always moved to write. My other monthly reason is quitting smoking. Without fail each attempt leaves me in bed struggling for consciousness. I am unsure if there is something beyond nicotine withdrawal as I am on several medications but food or friends fail to rouse me.

Typically I tire of being tired and use that as my first excuse to purchase another pack. I suddenly find myself with 25 reasons to keep the covers pulled back.

I have had a little more success this time though I am reluctant to claim victory over a long held habit. My usual scenario is a day or two in bed with a quick trip to the corner variety store for my cure to sleep. Miraculously I rise from my bed and sit in a chair on my balcony with smoke circling my head. I may not have the best perspective but this seems like progress. I have restrained myself from this small failing so far but it has been a struggle. I got out of bed today to vacuum up the dog and cat that lay scattered throughout the house but the vacuum was in danger. It conspired with its cord, corners and walls to not follow my intentions and came close to being broken further.

I use an empty kidney bean can for an ashtray outside on the balcony. Unfortunately we have had several days of rain and none of my butts are of any value. I took a decent one and held my lighter to it in an attempt to dry it out. If they weren’t so fragile I would have wrung it out first for better success. I put a few in the microwave for which I have paid dearly. Everything I have warmed in the last two days tastes like a cigarette minus the nicotine. There is no value to a cinnamon roll that tastes like tobacco.

I do have nicotine gum when I remember to chew it. I’m pretty sure I can chew and suck all the nicotine from a piece in under a minute. I swallow each piece as I am sure this is the only way to replenish what has seeped from my bones.

When I drive I have to restrain myself from pulling up to the people I can see smoking and offering two bucks for a smoke. I’m sure I could get one for free but I figure being accosted has a price.

I have been told exercise helps and as soon as the rain stops I intend to take my dog for a walk downtown with a baggie. I could care less if she poops on the sidewalk but I’ll be damned if I will pass by any juicy cigarette butts.


35 thoughts on “I Quit

  1. It’s probably not politically correct to say so but this is the funniest post I’ve read for a long time from the whole blogosphere. I hate to laugh at your misfortune and I do apologise on that issue, but having tried and failed to quit about six weeks ago, I SO totally understand. Much as I confess to being an addict I’m sure cinnamon rolls just aren’t the same with that tobacco flavour. Damn it. Nothing tastes the same. Must be time for another cigarette. Hang in there mate (a kiwi expression). Things can only get better! 😀
    PS. I’m hoping the dog and cat survived. It can be hell on them too.

  2. After watching my husband lock himself up in his studio to (after starting chantax sp?) to quit, I empathize with your plight. Best of luck. The chantex helped him, though it’s still hard – especially if he has a Jack and Coke.

  3. I wish you success. I imagine that what you are going through with trying to stop must be horrible if you are willing to do the things you’ve done. I think you need to give yourself a little credit because the desire to stop is there. Little by little… every hour, day… is a success.

  4. I had to smile….
    I now someone who is trying to quit…
    though he has no sense of humor about it or anything
    for that matter….
    This was a good read…
    and Thank you for stopping by…I fly by these days, I finally found a much needed job
    and the overtime is good…so I will drop in once in awhile..I’m glad to see you back…
    Take Care…

    • Thanks for taking the time to comment. I figure when we’re in pain we grimace and it’s pretty much a smile so you might as well alter it and make a real one. Take care and congratulations on your new job.

  5. Pingback: Quitting Cold Turkey | Infinite Sadness… or hope?

    • Thanks for the wishes. It has been a struggle. My biggest obstacle now is that I have started sucking my thumb. My car is not automatic which adds to my dilemma. If you’re behind a car who doesn’t signal it is likely me. Please don’t honk your horn as I am unable to flip you the finger at this time.

    • Thanks for taking the time to comment. They have terrible photo’s of what smoking can do to you and I was getting quite nervous which of course caused me to smoke more. For all the thought that goes into educating and warning people of the dangers I think eliminating packaging would be easier. If it was a cliff edge without a fence but a big sign warning you of all the people who fell off we would lobby the government not for more graphic signs but a real barrier.

    • I remember as a teenager waiting for a train in Toronto and watching a gentleman picking butts from the ashtrays. (before smoking was banned) I felt sorry for him, now I understand his need. If you know of any good spots for picking up butts let me know and as I’ve said before I will take luck as long as there is nicotine in it.

      Regards, Brett

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