As a writer one dreams of putting their pen to a national headline with a national news service. I stumbled out of bed yesterday and for a moment I thought I had done just that.

“Stephen Harper takes big words, small stick to NATO summit”

Thank you Terry Milewski. With my foot close to illiteracy others would discount such words coming from me.
I’m not sure how Prime Minister Harper chooses his ministers but it can only be from physical attributes since they lack all others.

“We need a Minister of Science and Technology” says Stephen.

Everyone slides down in their chair as we know conservatives have an aversion to information, knowledge, statistics and studies. Scientists are suspects.

“Worry not children, I don’t expect you to listen to, let alone understand science. Is there anyone in the room who looks like Einstein? Ed Holder; you have glasses and an out of control perm. Fantastic! It says here your background is insurance sales. Fantastic! You must have a knack for convincing people they need unnecessary policies. Hell, you should be Prime Minister.”

“While I’m nominating nincompoops we need a Foreign Minister. Everyone show me their best scowl. Now shout, sweat and wave your hands. Beautiful! John Baird here’s your map. It’s not tainted blue like the ones you’re used to but just keep giving us your ‘ugly’ look and I will feed you with politically provocative phrases.”

John Baird was the first minister no one had to ask to swear on the Bible.

The prime minister and John Baird liken the Russians to Nazi’s all the while doing the Goosestep themselves. People don’t refer to the conservatives as the “boys in short pants” for no reason.

Big Bad Baird tells us “no other government has ‘stood’ up more forcefully and aggressively against the Russian aggression in Ukraine.” Possibly that is the problem itself. We have nitwits like John Baird who can’t order French fries without being forceful and aggressive. Shouldn’t a Minister of Foreign Affairs be a statesman rather than a belligerent statement?

Stephen Harper and John Baird stand proud of their phrases while Greece and Estonia contribute more muscle to NATO than the conservatives. For the conservative government it’s not about bullets it’s about bullshit.

The Conference of Defence Associations (CDA) has different numbers for Canadians. They aren’t trying to get re-elected so their statistics are no doubt suspicious. The CDA concludes that “the Canadian Armed Forces’ operational readiness is dropping, its purchasing power is being eroded, and future military capability is being reduced.”

Do you think Vladimir Putin listens to John Baird’s bull or does he see the same things as the Conference of Defence Associations? I’m sure Putin trembles at photos of the prime minister and his wife on a ship in the arctic. He laughs because it’s one of the few we have.

As Terry Milewski says “if words are needed, Canada stands at the ready.” If this government wants us to consider Russia invading our sovereign arctic, frigates are better ideas than phrases. This government is identical domestically and internationally. They have more sentences than sense.

If Vladimir Putin watches Canadian content he must be convulsing in the Kremlin watching the Three Stooges. If he lived here he would realize its 39 stooges.