It is with great sadness that I issue the following apology to Minnesota. Flushing in my case could be considered a felony.

The issue of medications in drinking water has been with us for a decade though some would say “poo, we knew it in the 60’s.” Like every other ignoramus I never thought what I swallowed made it further than the local sewage treatment facility. Apparently, they have pipes leading out of these places as well.

According to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) I am responsible for “widespread neuro-active compounds including antidepressants, anti-seizure compounds (used as mood stabilizers), and mood stabilizers in 24 Minnesota rivers.” My anti-psychotics must be stuck on a rock somewhere.

More than 165 individual pharmaceuticals and personal care products have been identified in water samples. I know I am deflecting but who asked anyone to drink my pee? Note to self, it’s called the hydrologic cycle.

There may come a day when we have to ask our doctors and pharmacists if our prescriptions will interact with water. I can see the little stickers on my containers of pills, “Do Not Take With Water.”

Possibly this news will shine a light on our other activities that we assume have no earthly relevance. Contrary to popular belief the earth is not a toilet that God will flush after we do our thing. It is more so a bubble that we need to consider finite, cyclic and closed. We can keep moving the outhouse but eventually someone is going to step in one of the holes. It will probably be N.I.M.B.Y himself.

The pharmaceutical soup we drink and let fish swim in is creating “intersex” fish, with males developing eggs in their testes. This is not a good thing and may eventually lead to the long term extinction of the “Fillet O Fish” at Mickey D’s which in my short term intestinal opinion might be a good thing.

I know it is selfless but let’s for a moment consider two or three generations down the road of ruin. I long ago suppressed the question of what these pharmaceuticals do to me personally at full strength but as much as I like science experiments I’m not sure I want to find out what they do to fish and infants of any generation in any concentration.

Doctors might be the most alarmed as it won’t be long before prescription pads are obsolete. “Take two glasses of water and call me in the morning.” I too will stick my head in the sand and hope this cocktail will be a cure for cancer rather than a cause.

The CBC tells me that the risk is minimal but also that no one studies it. That sounds like an answer from the Prime Minister himself. We are told the trace amounts found in water are so low compared to a therapeutic dose that there is no cause for worry. So, as long as an unborn fetus is absorbing just a little acetaminophen, codeine, anti-biotics, hormones, steroids, antidepressants, anti-epileptic compounds and dozens of other chemicals we can ignore fish who have eggs instead of sperm. I don’t want to dwell on the past but such idiocy was surely on the lips of scientists before we had a hole in the ozone layer and glaciers became sea levels.

Like all humans I prefer to proactively ignore an issue until it becomes presently problematic but we might want to think about the billions of people who urinate. Researchers have asked whether this cocktail can cause cancer but they have yet to ask about behavioural changes, hormonal changes, reproductive toxicities and immune system compromises.

I consider myself mentally fit but I might be further ahead to filter my own urine so I don’t have to ingest whatever swims in the bladders on my block for which I have never been prescribed. It may also be the socially responsible thing so I don’t deform fish or my neighbour’s cat.

Again, sorry Minnesota.